I am a sex doll owner. I have more than 30 of this things in all shapes, sizes, and materials. I have been using them since 2010 and no one in my family or friends (outside fellow doll owners) know about my lifestyle. Why? Because as a sex doll owner, I face a series of social stereotypes that would simply destroy me both professionally and socially.
When we talk about guys owning sex toys, we are labeled as perverts, sick people, or physically undesirable. Add a sex doll to the mix and the lies and stereotypes turn up to 11, with accusations of pedophilia, misogyny, and even being a “serial rapist”. Unfortunately, these lies and stereotypes are been perpetuated by the mainstream media, sexual educators, and some sexologists because they help the narrative about “toxic masculinity” and “cisgender” identities.
What bothers me is that every single “expert” writing newspaper articles and appearing on TV shows is talking from his / her ass because there are no studies about the modern day sex doll user. I can understand that you needed to be a very horny guy to fuck an inflatable doll from 30 or 40 years ago – most of those things were hideous! – but the industry has changed dramatically since then.
Unfortunately, there are no formal studies made on the current sex doll user profile. There are various reasons like the lack of interest from the “scientific community” (psychologists, sexologists, and sexual educators among others), and the lack of willing participants from within the doll user communities. The only effort in that direction made in the United States was made in 2012 by a psychology student who made a questionnaire in the doll community. I am aware of that questionnaire because I participated in it – and even I was surprised of the results!
So, what are the common myths, lies, and stereotypes about sex dolls users? Lets have a look at the most common ones…
Myth: Sex doll users objectify women.
Reality: Yes, we are fucking an object made in the image of a woman – but that is not what we often refer when we talk about “objectifying women”. What you will learn when you interact with the average sex doll user, is that we tend to be extremely respectful to women. In fact, most of us are romantic in nature, treating our dolls as if they were the most precious entity in our lives (because sometimes they are). If objectifying women means treating someone with respect, care, and showering them with attentions, gifts, and details, then most of the women I have met in my life would kill to be objectified…
Myth: Sex doll users do not learn about consensual sex.
Reality: Sex toys do not require consent. Sex dolls are sex toys – nothing more, nothing else. They do not require consent because they are inanimate. Honestly, this is a myth that could only come from people with nothing better to do.
I haven’t met any woman who ask her dildo (or her Hitachi wand) for consent before shoving it in her pussy. A sex doll, as realistic as it looks, is no more than a lump of silicone (or any other material – I am a diverse sex doll owner). Even if they were animated (the infamous “sexbots”), consent is not an issue unless the artificial intelligence develops self-conscience – something that no commercially available artificial intelligence has developed so far.
The other argument that I hear (mostly from feminists), is that men using dolls do not look for consent when interacting with real life women. I do not want to be rude, but that is on the same line of BULLSHIT of the first argument about objectifying women. If the guy you are dating is an asshole, he will be an asshole with both dolls and humans.
In fact, you can recognize an abusive guy by the physical state of his doll. Sex dolls are delicate, and their joints, mouths, fingers, and limbs tend to break easily when you do not treat them with care. If you are dating a guy that admits using sex dolls, ask him to show you his doll(s). Check them out. If they are broken, ripped, or damaged in ways that seem unnatural, RUN!
Myth: Sex doll users are loners incapable of establishing relationships.
Reality: Most sex doll owners are in a relationship. One of the findings from the survey of 2012 was that about half of the sex doll owners who answered were in an active relationship or had been in relationships of various lengths through their lifetimes. In addition, more than half of the people interested in dolls but without one were also in a relationship of some sort. Most of the TV shows dealing with the topic of dolls portray members who for one reason or another are “unable” to form and keep a relationship. Maybe is because the majority of sex doll owners cannot afford to be ridiculed on national TV and suffer the negative consequences like being fired from your job for “moral reasons” (yes, that shit still exists in the USA!). And talking about TV shows…
Stereotype: Sex doll users are “weird”.
Reality: This is perpetuated by movies and TV shows. Whenever you watch a movie or TV show about guys and their dolls, what you are shown are guys treating their dolls as if they were alive. Most show them having dates with their dolls, preparing elaborate dinners, or even marrying them. These cases are specifically selected by the show producer because they are “colorful” and “interesting”. An average guy using these dolls for masturbation is too boring…
Stereotype: Sex doll users are single, unattractive trolls living on their parents’ basement.
Reality: Sex doll owners come in all shapes and styles. As mentioned above, most sex doll owners are in a relationship and it is estimated that about a quarter of the modern sex doll owners are married with kids. The idea of a sex doll owner being a “troll” – an unemployed guy in his 30’s, living from scraps – is almost risible when you consider that these dolls cost no less than $3,000 and that most owners have more than one doll. When the thesis was published, TPE dolls were not too popular, but even the Chinese TPE dolls – the most accessible of the modern dolls – require spending no less than $1,500, so the prospective owner needs to have a steady source of income.
Are all of us unattractive? I am not a handsome guy , but I “clean up decently” when I want. Other sex doll owners I have met go from the fat guy that only wears t-shirts and camouflage shorts to guys looking like rock stars (because they are) and Fortune 500 C-level executives (because they are). Sex doll owners are normal people – teachers, mechanics, executives, hair stylists, construction workers, electricians, government workers, computer programmers, musicians, engineers, media personalities, and actors. Anyone could be a sex doll owner, “troll” or not.
Stereotype: Sex doll users are men hurt by women.
Reality: There is a healthy mix. A sad reality of modern day relationships is that we will get hurt. Regardless of our gender, sex identity, or sexual preferences, when we are interacting with another human we automatically open the door to potential deceit, physical and mental abuse or simple old school cheating.
Because of this reality, it is not uncommon to find guys who had been emotionally hurt by relationships. Some doll users are divorced and do not see dating as a viable option anymore. Others are long term bachelors who do not see any advantage in dating or marrying. Others are widows who are not emotionally ready to date again. And, as I mentioned before, more than half of current sex doll owners are in a relationhip. Being hurt could be an issue in some cases, but we cannot generalize.
Stereotype: Sex doll users are sex addicts.
Reality: Sex dolls are not used only for sex. Not all sex doll owners use the dolls for sex. Believe it or not, there are many doll owners who have their dolls for less “carnal” issues. Some owners have dolls solely for photography purposes. Others use the dolls to have a “presence” in their homes, so they do not feel too lonely. Many others, like me, have dolls for different purposes – I use them for sex, as a “presence”, for photography, and a couple of them as practice dummies for rope bondage.
Believe it or not, a small number of users have them for therapeutic purposes – both emotional and sexual. Others just use the dolls as life-size Barbies, playing dress up and combing their wigs.
Lie: Sex doll users are pedophiles.
Reality: The community is extremely vigilant on this issue. This is my favorite lie because it shows the ignorance and the prejudice against sex doll users. If these people who repeat this bullshit take their time to research the sex doll industry, they would learn we are the first ones to stop any design that resemble children. Within my knowledge, no United States manufacturer makes or sells dolls resembling children.
Still, there is the sad reality that there are sex dolls resembling young girls. Those dolls are made exclusively by Asian companies, are directed to the Asian market (where until recently you were legally an adult in most countries by age 15), and they are either prohibited or heavily regulated in Western countries. As a community, we prohibit the display of these dolls in our forums and do not allow even discussing these dolls because of the legal and ethical issues.
There are dolls made in smaller sizes (from 2 to 4 feet), but they are scaled-down versions of adult bodies. I have many of these dolls (Sili, Suki, Aiko, Cassie, Elf, Natasha), and some have faces with very young looks, but those have to do with manufacturing and design issues I will address in a future post. The important thing is these dolls have adult proportions and represent young women within the legal range. In my fantasies, these small scale dolls are either enanitas or fantasy entities like fairies or elves.
So, these are just a couple of the lies and stereotypes related to sex dolls and their users. If you are one of the people spreading them, please, stop and get educated about this lifestyle before talking shit…