NOTE: This is the second of three articles I wrote about things that bother me in both online and “real life” interactions I have with others. Since my views are often contrary to the PC rules of the social circles I frequent, I decided to vent out in my own corner of the Web. Read it, comment it, critique it if you want but be warned: I don’t give a fuck about your opinion about me. Enjoy.
Back in February I wrote a post in which I identified with the Men Going Their Own Way (MGTOW) philosophy. Since then, I had been watching YouTube channels, participating in forums, and talking with other men that also identify as GTOW and I have to say that there had been behaviors that surprised, motivated, and encouraged me to continue a path I had been walking decades before this term existed. On the other hand, I had found behaviors that are really disturbing and worrying on some of the guys participating in the forums and comment sections.
What is MGTOW?
Defining MGTOW is at the same time easy and almost impossible to do.
It is easy because Men Going Their Own Way is a phrase to describe men that have decided to stop participating in the expectations society has for them. MGTOW means rejecting being the sole provider of the family in times when women have equal rights to education, jobs, and opportunities. MGTOW means rejecting being a protector of other adults capable of defending themselves but who still insist in being irresponsible and not suffering the consequences of their actions. MGTOW means rejecting being a slave of sexual manipulation in a society where women can (and do) use both sexual relations and pregnancy as a method of financial stability. MGTOWs simply say NO to these roles and their consequences.
It is almost impossible to define because MGTOW is a lifestyle defined by the individual man. MGTOW does not have a leader. Sandman, Barbarrossa, FTM, the Mayor of MGTOWN, and many, many other YouTubers and forum administrators are simply spokesmen of the idea. Each one of them lives MGTOW on their own way – some as a philosophical quest, others as a practical way of avoiding becoming “victims” of the system. Since it is not an organization, or a cult, or even a movement, it is impossible to say THIS GUY is MGTOW and THAT one is not. The only guidelines are the three rejection points I mentioned above – no protector, no provider, no sex object – and they are as wide and general as they can be…
The Beauty of MGTOW
That said, I consider myself a MGTOW that had been practicing the lifestyle way before the birth of the label. Since my late teens back in 1988-1989, I realized the rules of The Game: because I am not an attractive guy, I had to win “love” through money. If I wanted to bang a girl, I needed to have a nice car, show off my money, wear expensive clothes, and shower the girl with expensive gifts. Early on in my life, I decided not to play THAT game and deal with the consequences.
Yes, there are consequences. Now in my mid 40’s, there are days when I feel lonely. My family and some friends believe I am gay because I had never introduced a “girlfriend” or even mentioned that I am dating one. But I feel fine with my decisions because I had been able to live life on MY terms, having experiences that I would not change for anything on the world.
Being MGTOW allowed me to finish graduate school, having my own business (for a few years), having three careers that I have loved, developing skills in areas such as writing, video editing, web design, graphic arts, and public speaking. It allowed me to travel and share experiences with people from ALL AROUND THE WORLD, both in business and leisure trips. It allowed me to explore behaviors and interests I would never been allowed if I was married. Being a MGTOW has helped me to know myself better and given me the freedom and the confidence to explore areas I would not have done while in a relationship.
Now, that’s has been MY way, but other guys, like the Mayor of MGTOWN, are doing more interesting things. For example, the Mayor launched an initiative of providing homeless men in his area with the starting blocks of a business for them to earn money instead of panhandling. Others are doing similar contributions of their time and money to help fellow men to avoid becoming another statistic of divorce, financial ruin, domestic violence, depression, and even suicide – contributions that are often possible only because they are MGTOW.
The Ugly Side of MGTOW
What I mentioned above is the positive aspect of MGTOW. But as every story, MGTOW has a dark side…
When you participate in the MGTOW community you see the good side, but you also experience the ugly, nasty side of the people calling themselves MGTOW. You can read the name calling, the misogyny, and sometimes the absolute hate some members feel against women. I understand being angry at an ex-wife who took you to the cleaners during the divorce. I can understand the anger when you find proof of your girlfriend cheating on you. Believe me, I understand the feelings coming from being cheated, used, and discarded as a dirty rag because it happened to me when I tried to play the Game under the common rules known to us.
What I cannot understand is the inability to OVERCOME those feelings through real growth and improvement. What I cannot understand is the constant name calling and public shaming of others who do not agree with the “majority”. What I cannot understand is the open misogyny and dismissal of women as human – and fuck, I am a Hispanic man from a very traditional “machista” household…
My version of MGTOW
I am not going to make a YouTube channel to tell other guys how to go their own way – the idea is for YOU, as a man to find and follow YOUR OWN path. What I am going to do, is to share my views. If they help you in your path, great. If you think they are useless and want to call me a mangina, simp, blue piller, white knight, social justice warrior, or any other of the very creative names in the community, go ahead. As I mentioned in the first paragraph of this post, I don’t give a fuck…
- Women are humans, not goddesses. I often use the word goddess to describe women who got my attention because I find them beautiful, but it is only in figurative speech. I consider women equal to men in terms of virtues and defects, so no single women in my life is on a pedestal. Nobody is perfect, and that includes even the sexiest, or the most caring, or the most lovable woman in the world – even she has at least ONE issue that can be a deal breaker. I loved my last two girlfriends, even if they could be annoying as hell. One was a workaholic that attempted suicide when she was fired from her job (we had broken 2 years before her attempt). The other was a control freak that tried to govern every bit of my life. These relationships had enough tough times before calling it quits, but I did not hate them for those because I knew my limits and ended both relationships before they became “relationshits”.
- Know thyself. Women are not the only ones to blame about our “relationshits”, we often carry a big load of the blame. We dive into a relationship without knowing ourselves – our limits, our tolerance levels, and our personal demons. I have friends who blame a former girlfriend about their current misfortune, but they do not realize they were the ones throwing the shit to the proverbial fan. Understand yourself – what you like, what you want in life, and your personality – before trying to understand the complex (and often irrational) mentality of women.
- Avoid marriage as much as possible. In the current social situation, a marriage contract is a bad deal for men. Most marriages end in divorce and when that happens, the man is the usually losing partner. He has to move out of the house, pay child support, and sometimes alimony. For what? A fuck per week and one sad blowjob per year if you are lucky? I do not know much about investments, but marrying for sex seems like a really bad investment. Feeling lonely? Get a dog. Want to bust a nut? Hire a professional (i.e. prostitute), buy a sex doll (or many) or get familiarized with Fleshlight, Toy Demon, CoolMaleSexToy, GOXATELO, and other fine resellers of rubber pussies. At least the dolls don’t file for divorce when you buy a different model.
- Know the Rules of Engagement (a.k.a. Marriage and divorce laws) on your town. IF you decide to marry, know the laws related to marriage, cohabitation, and divorce in your state / city / country. Many men dive into marriage without knowing shit about the laws related to couples and suddenly find themselves taken to the cleaners when the inevitable happens. Get to know your rights and duties as part of a property asset partnership – which is the business entity formed by every single marriage in the Western world. When that partnership is broken through divorce, there are certain rights that each partner has, and sad to say, the male partner usually has less rights than the female one.
- Give respect to earn respect. I believe that to demand respect you have to earn it- and to earn it, you have to give it first. I respect every single person that crosses my path and in return, I have received nothing but respect and admiration from them. I avoid calling names, pointing fingers, and screaming at people because I find those actions disrespectful. The words bitch, cunt, hoe, slut, land whale, skank, and many others commonly used to describe women simply do not exist in my daily vocabulary. I only use them when absolutely necessary, so they keep the right impact.
- Don’t use MGTOW as a safety blanket. Sandman got lots of heat when he called guys hiding behind the MGTOW label cowards. He was named a traitor, boycotts were called, people tried to dox him… but you know what? He was right to call these guys cowards. MGTOW is not a safety blanket for you to use when life does not go your way or when you realize the “woman of your dreams” had been cheating on you with 3/4 of the town. MGTOW is a lifestyle that REQUIRES sacrifices as any other choice in life. If the shit hit the fan, becoming a MGTOW will help you to clean yourself, change your views, and MOVE FORWARD. If you just use MGTOW as an escape from reality, as a soap box to talk shit about others, as a shield to avoid analyzing your choices up to that point, you my friend ARE A FUCKING COWARD. Going your way does not mean disconnecting from society and creating a bubble, it means establishing a path of self-discovery, self-improvement, and self-reliance. It means facing your demons and battling them on a daily basis, maybe for the rest of your life. Means to establish priorities in your life, personal, familiar, and professional. MGTOW means effort, desire and now and then a little bit of pain. Please, don’t label yourself as a MGTOW if your plan is to bitch, whine, and complain about your mistakes all the time…