Broken, Beat, and Scarred

You know “Broken, Beat, and Scarred” as a Metallica song. I took the title and idea of the song to describe how I am feeling – and why I stopped updating the blog in September 2020.

Lets see, how 2020 fucked me over sideways!


As you know, I have some issues related to my spine. I have severe osteoarthritis in the spine, knees, and shoulders. Because of the OA, I have at least 10 damaged discs, neuropathy in the legs, carpal tunnel syndrome in my hands, back spasms, and sciatica. In summary, I suffer pain somewhere in my body EVERY SINGLE DAY.

broken spine

I have been in treatment since 2017 and the medications (4 of them) have their own shit show. The shit show between the pain and the medications side effects forced me to quit my job in 2019 – and I thought about opening my own business in my professional field (which is completely unrelated to the perversion of this blog). It was a solid plan!

Then 2020 came in…


The business idea went down the drain thanks to CoVid, so I got a job I could do from home. The problem is working at the computer makes my conditions worse. I have to limit my work to less than 20 hours per week because I am in a vicious circle: the more I work, the more damage I do to my body, forcing me to take more medication, which in turn limits the time I can work.

Basically me after taking my meds…

I was able to manage for about half of the year, but my savings got depleted in the summer. I was forced to request financial assistance and most of the applications had been denied.

CoVid assistance – DENIED! Rent assistance – DENIED! Unemployment – DENIED! Self-employment assistance – DENIED! As you can imagine, my finances are completely fucked up, my credit is gone, and I owe three candles to every saint… Apparently, I was born with the wrong set of genitals…

In August, I pulled my last card – I applied for disability benefits. I finally qualified for some benefits (until the case is seen by SSA). Since September, I had been dealing with the process of applications, documentation, medical appointments, phone calls, agency appointments, fighting with bored and pissed government workers, and other miscellaneous. I had been dividing my limited time and energy between doing some work, being high as fuck with meds, going to doctors, and dealing with the government benefits bullshit…


Emotionally, the pain and meds effects already had me in a bad mental state. Then Covid and the financial issues put me deeper into shit. Thankfully, I have many ways of coping with depression, but it is draining – and the whole process leaves scars in the personality. My patience is gone, and I am very irritable… but wait, there is more!

In December, I received the news that I will need to get multiple surgeries: disc repair, knee replacement surgery (both legs), and maybe even my hands. These surgeries can easily put me out of action for 4 to 10 months, so I am thinking about them very, very, cautiously. The prospect of surgeries is not the best thing for mental health, but now, I am adding the process of getting evaluated for these surgeries (you know, MRIs, EMGs, and other tests…), but it has to be done.

As you can see, I am broken (conditions), beaten (financially broke), and scarred (mentally and soon, also physically)…

So, is the blog done?

ABSOLUTELY NOT! This blog will continue – maybe in a lesser state, but it will go on. In fact there is my current plan for the blog in 2021.

Limited Reviews

Definitively, I will not have 50+ reviews this year. I do not have the energy to test toys and then writing about them every week. The goal for 2021 is around 20 reviews covering sleeves, sex dolls, and other toys. Do not expect to see many “new” toys (I am broke after all), but I will be reviewing toys I already have that had not been featured in the blog.


I do not like to mix politics with what I do, but in this social climate it is IMPOSSIBLE. Politics have invaded everything – entertainment, social media, and the Internet as a whole. If you are mildly “against the stream”, you will be censored in different platforms… and I am a contrarian by nature!

Currently, I had been censored in certain organizations due to my views about manhood, intersectionality, and identity politics. I expect to be censored in other platforms due to them “cleaning house” of anyone “toxic”, “adult material”, or simply not mainstream so be ready to check alternate media if you want to stay in contact with me…

Videos in PornHub and BitChute

And talking about censorship, we all know the shit going on in YouTube. If you are not “family friendly” YouTube pushes you out of the platform – no monetization, no recommendations, no links allowed. I am not allowed to make money in YouTube, so making videos for that platform is a waste of time and energy. That is why I will be moving to BitChute and PornHub.

trash person
I know I’m trash!

The idea is to make the reviews available in BitChute (PG-13) and maybe doing more explicit videos of me using the toys in PornHub. I do not how many of you are willing to deal with an old fat guy’s small dick, but those of you perverts who enjoy that could be in luck…

The Podcast

The podcast will be in a indefinite hiatus. It requires recording and editing audio which requires computer use. At this time, I will focus on things creating income without requiring using the computer. Eventually, I will return to the idea of a podcast, either by myself or with a friend.

So, even if life during the past year beat the shit out of me, I will keep fighting. Like the song says, “What don’t kill ya make ya more strong!”

Will see you around!