Disclaimer: This post is more of a personal venting session than anything else, but some of you will identify with it.

Those reading my blog know I like to practice kink. I go to kink-related conventions, and tried to be active in my local kink scene (at least until a year ago when I lived in New York City), but stopped even trying for reasons that can be summarized in one word: REJECTION.

Throughout my life, I have been rejected socially, professionally, and personally for different reasons. Some of those reasons are out of my control – skin color, ethnicity, nationality, height, being “ugly” – while others are within my control like my ideas, beliefs, and weight. I can understand people having preferences and that I do not fit those preferences. Even if I do not agree for their reasons, get it – I have my own preferences and in many instances, I have been inflexible about them. That is one of the reasons my romantic partners for most of the past 15 years have been sex dolls…

My problem is not with personal preferences. My problem is with hypocrisy.

The hypocrisy I am referring is the one within the kink community. If you read this blog, you know I am one of those kinky people. Since i was a teenager, I realized I was not “normal”. I would jerk off watching anime (Sayaka from Mazinger Z received a few tributes back in the day) and would use any catalog – Spiegel, JC Penney, Sears – to destroy my young peepee (do not judge, it was during the 1980’s and I did not have access to porn magazines). As time went by, I discovered I was not alone and that many other people had “weird” things turning them on.

In my college years I found I loved to watch others masturbating, being naked, or having sex – and that some people loved being watched (with their consent, of course). I also found that some people have fantasies like being fucked while restrained (bondage), others loved simulated rape, others liked seeing their girlfriends / wives being fucked by another guy (cuckolds), and many, many other kinks. Currently, I would say my kinks are the following:

• Bondage provider – I like to tie people down, then having sex with them if agreed beforehand.
• Daddy / Mentor / Big – It is natural for me to take a protective, mentoring or teaching role.
• Sex with inanimate objects – Sex dolls and sex toys fall into this category
• Consensual Non Consensual (CNC) – This is maybe the most controversial of my kinks, since it involves simulated (consensual) rape and / or abduction.
• Masturbation – Casquetero literally means “guy who masturbates”, so that gives you an idea. I enjoy masturbation, either alone, mutual (with ladies only), or in a group. I love watching women masturbate and I do not mind watching another guy jerking off given I am not touching his little friend or he is not touching mine.

The problem was that most people are not too kinky (still talking about the years before 50 Shades of Grey) and many of my partners rejected me because of my kinks. I was either “too much” or “too boring” . As in other areas of my life, I could not fit…

A few years ago, I stumbled on FetLife, a social media for kinky people and saw heavens parting away. I thought “Finally a group of degenerates like me who will allow me to experience sex the way I wanted!”.

How naive I was…

People in kink love to brag about how accepting, supporting and diverse they are. Most are ultra liberals and preach about diversity, body positivity, mental health support, and acceptance. They are the crowd telling you there are infinite number of genders, that being neurodivergent is not a block to enjoy life, that being “non binary” is a real thing and that being “gender fluid” is something cool that all of us should embrace and experience. Monogamy is a bad word and we should be polyamorous or swingers. You should NOT body shame anyone, because beauty comes in all sizes…unless you are a single fat man.

And, yes, I know being fat in the United States is a big factor of rejection (no pun intended), but the hypocrisy is in that we, as a society MUST accept and encourage fat women (body positivity movement anyone?), but if you are a guy, you better have the mark of the Beast – 6 feet tall, 6 figure income, and either a 6-pack abs or a 6-inches penis. Since I have none of the sixes, I am screwed. And, no I am not willing to lose weight just to be “accepted” and “seen” by others. Either “body positivity” applies to all or we all get in a god damned diet!

FYI, I have been obese ALL my life. My heaviest weight was 430 lbs (195 kgs) back in the late 1990’s. My current weight is 300 lbs (136 kgs) and yes, I am losing weight to a goal of 250 pounds to help alleviate my conditions. But I have never compromised on losing weight to be accepted by others.

My experience with kinky groups in real life has been “meh” at most. In New York City, where I lived when I got into FetLife, the kinky scene was dominated by the younger (mostly millennials), White, LGBT+ crowd in Manhattan and the gentrified parts of Brooklyn. As a fat, Hispanic single man in his 50s, I would arrive to munches and parties and basically wasted my time. And when I say wasted my time, it is not only about having sex or participate in a scene – I am talking about traveling one hour to Manhattan (I lived in northern Bronx) to the activity to be completely IGNORED by other participants.

Imagine arriving to a munch (a non-kinky “meet-and-greet” to get to know people in your kink community) and being totally ignored by other participants when you tried talking to them. With the exception of the Northern Manhattan / Bronx group in FetLife, I stopped going to their munches because I would be wasting two hours of my life just commuting to the munch, to then spend two other hours being ignored at the meeting. At 52, I do not have time or energy to waste like that…

Sex parties / dungeons were even worse. Again, most of them were in Manhattan / Brooklyn requiring me to travel at least one hour to get there. Since I am single, entrance to sex parties was between $75 and $150 and, after my experiences in munches, I did not feel comfortable to pay $100 or more to enter a party in a dungeon, being ignored or rejected and then traveling back home – tired, angry, horny, and with $100 less in my bank – to end up jerking off to porn. I decided to simply not bother and stayed home playing with my sex dolls. They do not ignore or reject me…

Ironically, the place where I felt mostly accepted was Frolicon – a kinky convention held in Atlanta, Georgia. I say ironically because we are talking about the Deep South of the United States, an area well known for racial issues. I do not live there, know anyone there, but still, people there at least did not ignore me. I was able to have conversations, participate in scenes (took me three separate attendances to the con, but third time was the charm) and feel like part of something. I was still rejected at times – and some of those rejections hurt as hell, like the time I was rejected to be part of a gangbang where the girl chose a paraplegic instead of me. The reason? I was fat. And Hispanic…

Even with those rejections, I enjoyed my participations there. I had been there four times in ten years with my last attendance being in 2022. That year, I participated in three parties – two of them being sex parties where attractive women touched, sucked, and / or mounted my little friend. I also experienced group experiences like the masturbation party, the dark room (where a few ladies allowed me to watch them ride a Sybian and enjoying themselves), as well as many, many conversations. In 2023, I did not go because they were requiring proof of COVID booster vaccination, something I did not have (I stopped getting COVID shots after getting adverse reactions in 2022). Did not go in 2024 due to my father’s death, and did not go this year (2025) because I was in the middle of moving.

Now that I am back living in Puerto Rico, my situation is similar to the one in NYC. Kink in Puerto Rico is centered in the San Juan Metropolitan Area – munches, sex parties, and conventions are usually held there. It is also dominated by either younger people or American expats, so groups very similar to NYC. Being honest, I have not gone to any activity here because 1) I had been extremely busy solving my dad’s messes after his death, taking care of my mother, plus moving thrice in a year, and 2) I live about an hour away from the San Juan Metro Area. With me living an hour away from San Juan, I am not feeling to repeat the NY experience of traveling two hours, spending $$$ I could use in something else, to then return home tired, frustrated, angry, and horny to jerk off to porn. I can do that without wasting time and money…

I am planning to assist to next year’s Frolicon. I feel this could be the last con I attend in a while due to both my mobility issues and the more complicated logistics of not living alone anymore. Funny enough, I was already rejected to be considered as a participant to a CNC scene during next year’s Frolicon, but at least the person organizing it was honest and clear about what they are looking. Still hurts to be told no, but I did not spend time, energy, and money before getting booted…

BTW, if you are attending Frolicon in 2026 and would like to hang out, look for me on FetLife as Casque.