Some of you have asked me in different occasions how do I label myself: MGTOW, TFLer, or Incel. I am not a big fan of labels, but although all three labels involve single guys, it is important to “define” each label before we use them.
First, InCel stands for Involuntary Celibate. These are people – both men and women – who are on the market for a sexual or romantic partner and seemingly cannot attract anyone. Most of the so called “unfuckables” are male, some with social phobias or conditions (physical or mental) making them feel less attractive than other people. Others are what we simply call ugly people (sorry, “photogenically challenged”).
TFL stands for True Forced Loneliness. This is said of individuals who had been trying to get a romantic or sexual partner unsuccessfully for so long, that they have simply given up trying. They simply have accepted the idea of being “forever alone” and are sulking in a corner. Again, most of the people in this category are guys.
MGTOW stands for Men Going Their Own Way. These are guys who, in the majority of cases, have decided to stop having romantic relationships with women and in some extreme cases, have decided to remove themselves as much as possible from society. Some had been “red pilled” after a nasty divorce, so they have lots of resentment against women – and honestly, I cannot blame them after being taken to the cleaners. Others, specially the younger men, have been “red pilled” after observing their father’s or older brothers experiences. They have seen what divorce laws can do to a guy and believe that relationships with women have no benefit for men.
So, the question is “Which one am I?”
In a way, I had been each one of these categories through my life.
During my high school years, I was definitively an InCel. I have always been fat and on the ugly side of the spectrum, so when I was a teenager I was constantly “friend zoned” by the girls in my school. Even the ugliest girls in the school would reject my advances. Getting a date was almost impossible and whenever I got one, it was a “mercy date”.
Unlike today’s Incels, I did not keep a grudge against the girls who rejected me. I understood I was not handsome, did not have a car, and had no money, so I was “boring” and “ugly”. Instead of becoming angry and sullen, I focused on my studies, becoming a full fledged nerd and a social outcast in school. That helped me in getting good grades, becoming an honor student, and being accepted to engineering school – while the “Chads” and “Stacys” were having kids before or right after graduation, forcing themselves to work on low paying jobs to raise their new families…
In college, my life did not change much during my freshman year. That year I was basically a TFL. I had accepted that women did not want to have sex with me, so I stopped pursuing them. I did not avoid them – I had female friends, we went to parties, and we studied together – but I was not showing any interest in them. I was a gentleman towards them, not because it was part of a plan to drag them later to my bedroom, but because genuinely I had no interest in a relationship.
By my second year of college life, things changed. Although I was the same guy, the ladies have been around and realized I was a decent guy to establish a relationship. A couple of girls took the initiative and asked me out. I ended having a couple of “girlfriends” and “friends with benefits” for my remaining years in college, often asking myself why girls were now interested in this fat guy…
Then I get “red pilled”. It was 1995 – a couple of years before The Matrix – when I realized the source of the sudden change of interest. I was close to graduating from Engineering school and, as all of us know, engineers make good money. I realized most of the girls surrounding me were just preparing the candidate… Basically, they were securing their claim to the prize of having an engineer as a husband.
Instead of getting angry, I used that knowledge to my advantage. I played dumb, but whenever I had sex I used condoms (I always carry my own supply). I would finish inside the condom or do the porn routine of cumming on their thighs or belly. Later, I discovered my bukkake fetish, so I added their faces as a landing platform (always consensual). I kept a fresh supply of baby wipes in my room, always taking care of cleaning my messes. They kept telling me “I am on the pill” and I kept telling them shooting my cum on them was just a fetish of mine (which was true).
I kept enjoying the perks of my new found status for years after I graduated. By 2005, though, I was getting tired of the charade. During those 10 years I only had two real relationships – both of them with women I still have in high regards. The rest were simply trying to “win the lottery” by marrying an engineer – then in a management path. I avoided commitment, not because I hated women, but because I COULD NOT TRUST THEM. I caught three of my romantic partners lying about pregnancies – two were not pregnant at all, the third was really pregnant and kept pressuring me for marriage. I held my ground on waiting until the baby was born to do a DNA test. You know what happened with her? She disappeared from my life three months before the baby was due.
By then, I was the only one of my friends who was single, and little by little, I went back to be a loner and to be by myself. Eventually, I decided to change careers (management was not for me) and moved to the USA. In 2009, EL Casque was born after trying to date a couple of women in New York City, and the rest is history…
Now I label myself a MGTOW. I know that if I want, I can get a girlfriend or wife. The problem is I took the red pill way too many years ago to believe the bullshit. I am still a fat guy – now in my mid 40’s – and I am still ugly. The difference is that I am in a better position – and look better – than the former Chads from my high school.
I know that a woman in my age range is looking for someone to pay her debts, to help finishing rising one or two kids from previous relationships, or to help her fixing the mistakes of her youth (some of them could be even grandmothers…). A younger woman will be with me just because of my “money” – not that I have money, but I have a steady job that the 20-somethings do not have. I will be sharing her with another guy (or more than a couple of other guys), and personally, I do not like to share.
So there you have it: I am a MGTOW. No resentments or hate, just life experiences have brought me to this point.
And guess what? I am fine with it!